2016 Gassies

Most Booked Comic
Avery Moore

Least Booked Comic
Jon Stringer

Best Pat Dean
Committee declined to award this year

Biggest Trend
Co-hosting (everyone’s a big lonely baby)

Second-biggest Trend
“Storytelling” shows (to make bombing safe again)

Third-biggest Trend
Giving the open mic you took over a dumb new name

Host Swaps
Cherrywood (dumb new name: Mystery Box)
Austin Java (dumb new name: Detention)
Kick Butt Coffee (no known dumb new name)
Tramp’s Wednesday (dumb new name: Party Weekend)
Tramp’s Sunday (dumb new name: Skylark Open Mic)
Midnight @ Spider House (like, twice?)
Bomb Shelter
Bounce House
Live at Coldtowne
Buzz Kill
Chortle Portal
Peep Show
Look, everyone quit something this year

Most Intelligent Use of Whiplash Sound Effects
Christina Parrish and Aly Dixon

Best Use of Social Media
Elizabeth Spears

Dumbest Secret Gossip Group Nobody’s Supposed to Know About
The one in Houston that opened a club
(had you going for a minute, huh)

Best New Club
Uncle Krankie’s Wax Museum

Worst New Club
Spite Club

Most Likely to Suddenly Get Visibly Depressed on Stage
John Rabon

Rookie of the Year
John Rabon

Saddest Trombone
Ryan Gurian

Open Mic In Memoriam
Block Party (453 B.C. – May 27, 2016)
Stand Up Empire (May 12, 2015 – September 14, 2016)
Bonebox (August 31, 2015 – December 27, 2016)
Itty Bitty Open Mic (December 5, 2015 – June 5, 2016)
Slim’s Last Call (October 21, 2015 – April 19, 2016)
Evil Friends (July 8, 2016 – pretending it will be back in 2017)
Black Elevator (September 6, 2015 – February 8, 2016)
Adelbert’s (December 27, 2015 – May 27, 2016)
Bear Bones (June 30, 2016 – August 17, 2016)
Stouthaus Coffee Pub Open Mic (for sale: baby shoes, never worn)
Conspiracy Comedy Open Mic (Feburary 11, 2016 – ??? the truth is out there)
The Pit Stop (January 6, 2016 – when Dwight Williams disappeared)

Funniest Person in Austin
Lashonda Lester

Funniest Person in San Marcos
Lashonda Lester

Funniest Person in Killeen
Lashonda Lester

Most Reliable Ride for Pat Sirois
Lane Krarup

Thing Everyone Thinks They Can Do But Only Lane Krarup Can Do
Use Meetup.com to sell tickets (haha, Lane thought I’d say “rap”)

Best Rap Duo
Maggie Maye

Killed Every Set This Year Award
Vanessa Gonzalez

Most Likely to Talk to You
Jason Pindur

Most Likely to Talk to You About the Holocaust
Allen Butt

People Moving Out of Town Next Year
Up 26%

People Starting Comedy in Austin Next Year
Up 93%

Comics Named Michael
Michael Good
Michael Jastroch
Michael Joplin
Michael Malamud
Michael Priest
Micheal Foulk (still counts)
Mike Graupmann
Mike Lazorwitz
Mike MacRae
Mike Swenson
Mike Wiebe
MK Paulsen

Best Booked Weekly Show No Audiences Ever Saw
Good Time

Most Improved Integration of Stand-Up Into Improv Venue
Institution Theatre

Most Improved Integration of Improv Into Stand-Up Venue
The Velveeta Room

You’re Still Here?
Chris Cubas

Best Gay
Arielle Norman

Loudest Gay
Andrew Horneman

Most Likely to Get Mad About Not Getting an Award Yet
Kath Barbadoro

Best Twitter
Yusef Roach

Best Retweeter
MK Paulsen

Most Likely to Be Booked by Chris Castles
Jon Mendoza

Number of New Shows in a Brewery
5

Whatever Happened To
Wes Corwin

Most Likely to Succeed
Tai Nguyen

Cutest Couple
Katie Pengra and Truck

Most Likely to Become John Tole
Norman Wilkerson

Weird Wet Dream I Had Last Night
Jesse Hensley and Daniel Webb

Most Frequent Co-host
Lisa Friedrich

Dumbest Joke
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”